“We are trying to strike a balance between quality of play and ticket sales, and emmigration. If we let in Argentina or Tonga, the risk of a domestic team losing a match is simply too high right now. New Zealanders will not spend $200 to watch these amateurs defeat what’s left of our national side players. On the other hand, if we send our teams to the US, most of them will probably score lucrative contracts and not return. Samoa strikes the balance: the rugby is good, but not great, and who wants to move to Samoa? Have you been to Samoa?”
In what appears to be a major financial coup for American Rugby Outfitters, the internationally recognized supplier of custom rugby apparel has formally acquired a 100% interest in the ailing United States American Rugby Football Union (commonly referred to as ‘USA Rugby’).
“I am now in a position to affect rugby in a much larger capacity than I ever could as a national team coach. Expanding the Pacific Nations Cup and raising the level of rugby in the so-called ‘2nd Tier’ nations is critical to the future of rugby, and I expect the locals to be grateful, very very grateful.”
At a joint press conference today, the New Zealand and Australian Rugby Unions announced that they have withdrawn from future World Cup competition as a protest to the current format which encourages complacency by pestering the teams with pointless fixtures against developing rugby nations.